Nobody likes feeling uncomfortable. I think as humans, it is our natural tendency to push the uncomfortable away with a desire to make it quickly disappear. It doesn’t feel good! As people in recovery, we have used substances to cope with these uncomfortable feelings. As we drop the substances, we find these uncomfortable moments can also be ignored by using food, sex, “busyness”, anger or relationships…..or pretty much anything that is being used to replace spending time in chapters of “feeling lousy”. These things are also a means of avoidance and a smokescreen to finding out your truth. The most uncomfortable moments, from my experience, are the moments and chapters of our lives that hold the richest keys to healing. And I know for myself, I needed to change course and embrace those pains and hurts in order to then embrace my healing and find myself.
We all walk this earth with unhealed wounds and experiences that we want to wish away and ignore. The problem with that is it doesn’t work. Eventually those unhealed wounds, if ignored, will become infected and will eat away at you. In my days of early recovery, my pain seemed unbearable. My pain was also defining me. But I learned and started to practice embracing those moments and spending time in that space of immense hurt. It made me incredibly uncomfortable. But each time I gave myself the grace and space to live in that experience, to explore its roots, I healed a little bit more. And guess what! Healing transforms into joyful living, more serenity, and a state of comfort! It also leads to finding out who you are and loving that person wholly!
We can’t avoid our past. I know it’s a common message that we shouldn’t live in our past, that it’s over and we should focus on the present, that the past doesn’t own us and define us. Although this is partially true at some point in our journeys, I think this message holds a huge disservice to the process of healing. We must resonate on our past and its wounds in order to heal. Nothing goes away by wishing it away. It is so important to spend time in the uncomfortableness of pain in order to learn from it. Pain, as much as we want to avoid it, can be our greatest teacher. It’s a beautiful red flag to pay attention. The good news is our pain is temporary! It never lasts if we give the respect it deserves. What I know to be true today after years and years of walking a spiritual path of healing, is that pain and wound healing has brought me my greatest gifts and has taught me everything I need to know about myself.
We need to spend time making friends with our wounds. We need to cater to them, care for them, reflect on them and heal them. In this time of complete uncomfortable hurt, we get to find the keys to letting them go and becoming more whole. More authentic. And more in touch with who we are. Why is this important? Because the core of recovery and contentment is loving ourselves. And how do we authentically love ourselves if we don’t know who we are? Spending time being uncomfortable in our hurts teaches us who we are and what we are capable of in life. Our wounds and traumas and heartaches either hold us back or teach us more about who we are so we can ultimately love and care for that person. Our real person. The person we were created to be before life changed us!
You are worthy of this time with your past! You are worthy of complete healing! But you must spend time digging deep and discovering the unhealthy patterns that came from your past if you want to move forward. These patterns were survival skills at the time but are no longer serving your well-being. When you do this, when you give yourself the grace to breathe through this and allow yourself the faith to make it through, you will see that you can let go of the past. You will find a resilience and strength in yourself that will amaze you. Take all the time you need and use every resource at your disposal to completely heal and let go of the past so you can find beauty in your present. It’s worth it. You and I are worth it. It won’t be easy. It won’t feel good. It will be uncomfortable. Sit in it! Process it! Discover your authentic self because of it. And then revel in the amazing human that you are and enjoy your journey! This is your time. Re-design the truth of who you are, no holding back, no skipping steps and no rushing the process. You can do this! And one day that hidden light in you, that has been dimmed by your pain, will be bright again!
Kara is the Director of Marketing and Business Development for Elite Recovery and Elite Empower for Women